Mothering Thru Melanoma

My walk through the scary world of cancer while caring for my family.

Happy Halloween! October 31, 2010

Filed under: Breastfeeding — mamabeaumo @ 8:13 pm

Tonight was Bubba’s first halloween and besides being pretty cold and windy, he enjoyed it!

After a rough night and rocky start to the day, not being able to breastfeed, at 3p I decided that it had been over 24 hours and resumed nursing.  All told, I pumped and dumped 27 oz of breastmilk…absolutely heartbreaking. For those who nurse, you can surely understand how upsetting it is to dump something you know you have worked so hard to produce.  I am so happy to be able to nurse my little one again. I think he had a hard time believing he could when I put him to my breast this afternoon.  He sort of looked at me like, “Are you sure? Why did you wait so long?”  He was so happy though that he shortly fell right into a deep and peaceful sleep.  There is nothing like a happy, satisfied babe snuggled in your arms!!


Pump and Dump…sooo sad! October 30, 2010

I had my scans today…4 altogether: pelvis, abdomen, chest and head. I had to drink two bottles of mochaccino flavored yuckiness and then had the contrast dye. Such fun!

Tonight was the first time I had to pump and dump and boy is it hard to watch that liquid gold go down the drain. 😦 Bubba is doing ok but I think tonight is gonna be real hard for him.

On the bright side, they have changed the breastfeeding policy from 48 hours to only 24 hours so tomorrow night I should be able to return to nursing my sweet boy to sleep. Now we just sit and wait and hope the scans come back clear. Then we count down to the 17th and my surgery and hope that my sentinel node biopsy comes back clean too!


Growth spurt from hell!!! October 28, 2010

Filed under: Breastfeeding — mamabeaumo @ 10:20 am

Wow! And I thought I was tired yesterday!!  My little man was up more than he was asleep last night.  It didn’t seem that he could fill his little tummy up enough to actually get the rest he so needs now that he is cruising all over the place, all day long.

He had a bottle of breast milk at school at 3p. We got home and reconnected through nursing at 4:30p.  5p I began to get dinner ready so gave him some banana puffs to nosh on.  He kept signaling for more.  He also had some yogurt drops.  At 6p, we started his actual dinner…he devoured it instead of wearing it like he usually does.  6:15p we started our bedtime nursing. By 7p, he was out like a light.  Fast forward to 9p when I headed to bed…I believe my husband came to bed about 9:30p after going and settling Bubba back to sleep.  Little man then woke up again at 11:30, nursed and went back to bed by 12a.  2a he decides he is hungry again but this time he won’t go back to sleep.  Absolutely exhausted, at 2:45a, I wake my husband and ask him to take over.  Off to the kitchen I go to put a bottle of formula together in hopes that Bubba will sleep for a bit longer of  a stretch.  Of course, with everything going on, my stress level is about eleventy-hundred and steadily climbing so the tears just start to pour.  I give my husband the bottle and back to bed I go to cry myself to sleep which took some time.  4:45a my son’s melodious cry awakens me so back into his room I go.  He nursed, rotating breasts almost continuously until 6a when he finally fell back to sleep and I returned him to his crib.  Of course, now I had to get the 7 year old up and begin to get myself ready for the day.  My bed is beckoning to me as I sit at my desk in my dimly lit office watching the gray clouds slowly pass by.  8p won’t come quick enough!


So very tired… October 27, 2010

Filed under: Breastfeeding — mamabeaumo @ 11:49 am

It’s funny how one night you can be a pumping maniac and the next, so tired you can’t find the energy to drag yourself TO bed.  I did not get all the pumping done that I wanted to last night. All day my left leg had been bothering me and it just continued to get worse as the day went on.  Add on top of that how very tired I was and you can see it wasn’t going to be a productive night.

By 8:30p, I had called it quits.  Bubba woke at 11:30p, nursed and went back to bed.  At 2a, he decided he was hungry again and began to call out.  I woke my husband who graciously agreed to try to get him to settle back down.  Well, as soon as Bubba realized it wasn’t me, he really began to cry.  I got up, went to the kitchen and made a bottle of formula for him in hopes that it would carry him through the rest of the night.  I truly believe that my breast milk just is not enough for him anymore.  He is a very big boy for the 11 months he is and I know he loves trying all sorts of new solids.  Maybe he’ll begin to wean himself as the weeks to my surgery pass.

My little love slept until 5:30a and then was up for the day!  I guess he was just so excited for his Halloween Parade at school.   Too cute!


Pumping Frenzy October 26, 2010

Filed under: Breastfeeding — mamabeaumo @ 9:36 am

Yesterday was a long day. I pumped every chance I could and ended up being able to put two bottles into the freezer towards this weekend’s stash along with the two bottles that will go to school with him today.  My goal is to have at least 7 bottles of breast milk to help get my son through the 48 hours that I will be unable to breastfeed.  If I keep up this schedule, I should have that and more!  I will have to supplement some bottles with formula but hopefully, not too many.  Anything leftover will go towards stretching breastfeeding after my surgery and before treatment begins.

Even though the doctor has said that there is no ill-effect from the melanoma on breastfeeding, I am pretty sure that the composition of my breast milk has changed.  This may also have to do with the fact that just weeks before my diagnosis, after trying many times, I finally gave up meat and starting eating more of a vegetarian diet.  My breast milk before the diet change/diagnosis tended to have a much fattier layer when stored overnight in the fridge.  Now when I prep his bottles for school, I have noticed that they tend to be more watery with just a slight fatty layer on top.  Of course, now my concern switches from whether he has been passed melanoma to, “Is he getting enough nutrition?”

I believe a call to the lactation consultant is in order!


Milking Machine October 25, 2010

Filed under: Breastfeeding — mamabeaumo @ 6:59 pm
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This week I am focused on pumping enough breastmilk to sustain Bubba for the 48 hours that I will not be able to breastfeed him after my four CT scans.

The doctor has said that, medically, there is absolutely no reason for me not to continue breastfeeding Bubba until I have to have my surgery on November 17th. I plan on taking the opportunity to stock up a freezer stash in hopes of easing Bubba’s unwelcome and early weaning.

I had considered continuing to nurse after the surgery and before treatment but think that it’s just too much…too much for Bubba to have to stop and start and too much for me with treatment to be focused on. I will truly miss my quiet moments with him but if it means having much more time to watch him grow then I’m all for it.